those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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