so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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