Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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