I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
