the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
