Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
