he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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