He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
