whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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