she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
