Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
