You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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