I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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