i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
