I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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