i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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