could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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