I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
