You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
