Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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