you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
