whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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