for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
