I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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