I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
