hotel room ftw
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize