before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
