I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
