Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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