Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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