Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
