she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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