READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
