3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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