something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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