i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
