I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize