It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
