You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
