as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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