Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
