...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
