dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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