He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
