I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
