Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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