New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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