we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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