Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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