Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
