Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
