i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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