So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
