Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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