Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
