can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
