you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
