he thought i was a dude.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
