I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
