It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and she was petting her beer can
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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