I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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