I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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