How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
