Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this just has baby written all over it
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
