I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
