she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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