Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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